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Animal Fights
When I was a young lad, I used to burn ants with magnifying glasses, pour salt on slugs and shoot snales with my BB gun. This is all a natural part of growing up and any boy who didn't partake in these activities was either playing with his sisters barbie dolls or taking it a step further and playing with road kill ala Jeffrey Dhamer.
There's a logical progression in this process whereby you begin to realise a snales shell is no match for a decent BB gun, so you move up a level, how does a cat, dog or bird fair against these balls of plastic? This process begins a chain of events in the mind that brings you to the logical progression that no longer involves your input. Why waste energy on these artificial situations when the simple placing of two rival spiders in a box produces a much more varied and unpredictable outcome. It then only becomes a matter of time before your sights are set higher and you begin to wonder about the ultimate animal fight, a lion vs a tiger or a pitbull vs a rottweiler. Thanks to the internet these dreams can become reality. My own personal favourite animal fight would be a fully grown Silverback Gorilla vs a Lion, i've yet to find the video of this epic encounter, but I bet it would be a gooden. I've crawled the internet and found these top 20 animal fights involving many of natures most feared beasts. Sit back, enjoy and be suprised by some of the outcomes. I've kept clear of artificial animal fights, such as, a mice being fed to spiders or snakes in cages. There are many videos showing Lions vs Tigers but they are staged in enclosures and as with most intelligent animals these two beasts would normally steer well clear of eachother, I've yet to find a video where they confront eachother in a natural setting. Some of these animal fights are ugly and I've rated them as such using the universal sign of ugliness, Shane McGowans face.  = Ugly but acceptable = Plain Ugly = Don't show your mother = Steer well clear = Call the cops
In at 20th place
Cat vs DogA classic encounter that unfortunately doesn't live up to the billing. In the same way that man has become softened up by our now unnatural natural habitat, so has the dog and cat. A mear bitch slap is all that is needed to seperate these two ancient foes, no longer a half hour show of deviant fighting, these two have been reduced to a pathetic 'handbags at dawn' scenario. Speak to the hand.....etc. As your girlfriend will always say, size doesn't matter, the cat with it's sharper and quicker claws guarantees there is always only going to be one winner.
19th place
Snake vs EggAnother classic which doesn't get the blood pumping but deserves a mention, if only for the stomach churning dislocating jaw. Snakes live a solitary life but they are not above a bit of showboating. Why smash an egg when you can swallow it whole? This pup should leave it to the professionals.
In at 18th place
Snake vs Dead Mouse and Human StomachA natural predator doen't like to have it's prey handed on a plate as this guy found out the hard way.
In at 17th place
Mouse vs SnakeOk, I know I wanted to stay away from the artificial scenarios, but this is a good one. Mouse vs a Snake I hear you say? No contest? Well I don't know how this one turned out (Although I could guess), but this mouse isn't going to give up on life easily. If life is about survival of the fittest then this mouse deserves a gold medal.
In at 16th place
Dog vs GoatMany animal fights occur due to a lack of food and they do say Goats eat anything. Don't worry it doesn't eat the dog, but it probably would if given the chance.
In at 15th place
Deer vs ManBeing an animal lover (Seriously!!), it's always nice to see the animal fight back. I believe in evolution and that we get our traits from our animal ancesters, so it is quite an incite into the Chav way of fighting when you see a deer stamping on a mans head, it would be the final piece in the jigsaw if it was the deers girlfriend that started the fight. Don't just watch out for Dick Cheney when hunting
In at 14th place
Leopard vs ManIt's not just humans that get institutionalized, this Leopard didn't appreciate being let into the wild, I mean, 3 square meals a day and your own living space appeals to a lot of gods creatures.
In at 13th place
Tiger vs ManLuckily this guy is sitting on an Elephant, but his nuts look like they took a pasting. The lesson here is, don't piss off a tiger. Not a lesson that most people need teaching, but this bloke does. Use a Giraffe for travelling next time (Or a taller Elephant)
In at 12th place
Cougar vs BearMy money would be on the Bear, but give credit where credit is due. This Cougar aint giving up her cubs for free and the Bear knows it.
In at 11th place
Baboon vs CrocodileBaboons have a nasty reputation but compared to the Crocodile they are saints. The innocence of youth is oftened laughed at, but not by this young Baboon. sticking your head in a Crocs mouth is only for nutters and Stever Irwin. Not many survive such an occaision, but this young whipper snapper rode his luck and learnt a valuable lesson, don't drink shitty watery mud if you don't have to.
Now we're onto the top 10 animal fights, this isn't for the faint hearted. If you aint got scary teeth or a shit hot move, get the fuck out now.
In at 10th place
Bull vs LionOn my animal fighting travels I came across a worringly large number of animal fights arranged by the old school animal hunter. As described above, these guys thought nothing of sticking a Lion and a Tiger in a cage and seeing what happened. I admire their cander, but the thing that suprised me the most was the fact these encounters were actually used in films. These were the days of no special effects, if you wanted film of a Lion fighting a Bull then that's exactly what you needed to create, a Lion in a cage with a Bull. Noones a winner here, except the viewer. The Bull, only a young'n, puts up a good fight and the Lion goes crying to it's momma.
In at 9th place
Shark vs OctopusThe Shark is often thought of as the ultimate predator. I for one never thought it would be beat. But the Octopus is a clever motherfucker, they got eyes that look human and one of the largest brains in the animal kingdom, whoever said 'The pen is mightier than the sword' knew what they were talking about.
In at 8th place
Baboon vs FlamingoNot content with escaping death from the jaws of a Crocodile, the Baboon feels it must prey on the weak. Having the reddest arse on earth isn't something that comes without a cost, when you come across an animal that tries not only to have the reddest arse, but the reddest body, the Baboon has to lay down the law.
In at 7th place
Cat vs BirdCats are lovely fluffy wuffy animals normally. I learnt the hard way that they are not when I stayed round a mates house and I woke up the next morning with what used to be a bird scattered all around my head. They are killers and they love it. Birds are the ultimate prey for a cat cos they only get one chance at the kill, and this Cat doesn't need asking twice.
In at 6th place
Bear vs WomanI wouldn't bet on anything vs a Bear, but a scared Woman? No way! If you're going to sit next to a Bear then Make sure there is a Wall seperating you. It's one thing to have an Elephant shit on Blue Peter, but a Bear maul your guest? Not a great idea.
Top 5 animal fights here we come.
In at 5th place
Cobra vs ManI've seen Steve Irwin get spit at by a spitting Cobra, i've seen him get chased by a Komodo Dragon, but at least the man knows when to get out of the way. King Cobras demand respect and if they don't get it, they kick arse.
In at 4th place
Lion vs ManThese guys somehow survive with their lives. Shooting something on a computer screen is one thing, shooting a 200kg Lion when it is running at you at full pace is something completely different, as these guys found out. You don't get the title of 'King of the Jungle' for nothing.
In at 3rd place
Lion vs ZebraBlack and white horses I hear you say? Don't fuck with anything that weighs 400kg is the lesson here. Watching a Lion fight is like watching a grappler on UFC, they know their shit, but they also know when they are beaten. Zebras don't lay down and die for nobody, as this Lion found out.
In at 2nd place
Tiger vs CrocodileTiger vs Crocodile? This is what legends are made of. An epic battle is expected, naturally. Not so unfortunately, the Tiger sees it's prey and kicks it's arse. This is a battle of experience, millions of years of evolution vs slightly less millions of years. Out with the old and in with the new, if I was the Croc I would stick to Wilderbeasts.
In at 1st place
30 Hornets vs 30,000 BeesNumbers don't mean shit to these mass murdering motherfuckers. Against all odds, the hornets lay the smackdown on these venom weilding motherfuckers, they have the skills that pay the bills. Never has such a one sideded battle been so dominated by the few. If aliens invade the earth, just make sure these lethal death loving motherfuckers are on our side.
The lesson to be learnt is, don't judge a lethal fucking killer by it's lethal fucking strike, just place them in a battle arena and see what happens.
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